Tin boxes and tin men

Jun 12, 2023

August 14, 2023 By Andrew Barbano 1 Comment

“Mr. X, may we ask you a question? It’s amazing, is it not, that the city pays you slightly less than fifty bucks a week, yet you’ve purchased a private yacht?”

“X: I am positive your honor must be joking! Any working man can do what I have done. For a month or two I simply gave up smoking, and I put my extra pennies one by one, into…

“A little tin box, a little tin box

That a little tin key unlocks.

There is nothing unorthodox

About a little tin box.

“A little tin box, a little tin box

That a little tin key unlocks.

There is honor and purity,

Lots of security,

In a little tin box.”

The above exchange comes from the hit 1959 Broadway musical “Fiorello!”

The Barbwire is eminently qualified to deal with the scandals hereinbelow because I played a corrupt judge in the Fresno State production of that show.

“Fiorello!” was about a little Italian guy elected to clean up Tammany Hall politics after the regime of flamboyant Mayor Jimmy Walker.

Fiorello LaGuardia (for whom the New York airport is named) served as Big Apple mayor from 1934 to 1946. When newspapers went on strike, he even went on radio to read the comics so little kids (and a few big kids) would not miss out.

“Little Tin Box” is my second-favorite song from the show. Retired Laborers’ Local 169 Business Manager Dan Rusnak reminded me of it after he read last Sunday’s New York Times front page story revealing how Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas sorta purchased “the Rolls Royce of motor coaches” in 1999.

At that time, most of the household income for Clarence and his wife came from his government salary of $167,900. So how could he afford a luxury house on wheels which cost $267,230 used? New ones today cost from $1.8 to $2.5 million. In 1999, the retail base price was $1 million or much more “depending on the bells and whistles. It was a rich man’s toy,” according to the Phoenix dealer who sold it to Clarence.

The Ginny and Clarence dreamboat had only 93,618 miles on it, “relatively few for a vehicle that experts say can easily log a million miles in its lifetime,” the Times reported.

Clarence has always made a big deal of his up-from-poverty roots and has preached about his identification with the common man throughout his charmed life. Hence his announced love for the open road to commune with common folk, “in a condo on wheels,” as he once bragged about it.

I don’t have the space or the interest to recount the fraudulent and banal facts about Clarence’s carefully contrived personal mythology. Let this suffice: “He told me he saved up all his money to buy it,” said talk show personality Armstrong Williams. Hmmm…where have I heard that before?

A little tin box, a little tin box

That a little tin key unlocks.

There is nothing unorthodox

About a little tin box.

Clarence noticed the rolling ocean liner while visiting Phoenix to attend a dinner at the conservative Goldwater Institute.

“In a speech that night,” the Times reported, “he said he had never yearned to be a federal judge. ‘Pure and simple, I wanted to be rich,’ he said.”

It pays to have rich friends, one of whom “loaned” him the quarter-million-plus to acquire the wheel-house. Whether or not Clarence ever paid him back, they won’t say. Maybe they lost the little tin box holding the records.

The Broadway song introduced a new term into the legal lexicon which went viral in a national public relations coup for Nevada.

In 1984, federal District Judge Harry Claiborne brazenly asserted a “little tin box” defense to explain his curiously under-reported income.

Harry may have been corrupt, but the olden-days Las Vegas legend was one helluva defense attorney — most of the time.

Back when I lived in Gomorrah South, I was told — only partially in jest — that if I ever wanted to commit murder, hire Harry Claiborne and I would never be convicted.

Alas, without home field advantage, Harry lost his biggest trial, convicted of tax evasion in an away game at Reno. The Nevada Supreme Court reinstated his law license after he served 17 months. After all, he was one helluva lawyer, tin box and all.

Can’t say the same for Clarence, tin motorhome and all.

PG-13 WARNING. During Fiorello’s run at Fresno State, two of my fellow cast members got engaged, spawning a bawdy drama department one-liner.

Courtesy of my male chauvinist piggy castmates, herewith a trip in the Wayback Machine, adapted for the Barbwire,

Q: What did Ginny Thomas give Clarence on their honeymoon?

A: A little tin box.

BARBWIRE CODA: Clarence gave it back to stash her “consulting” fees. On January 6.

BEEN THERE, DONE THAT DEPT. August 11, 1973, is regarded as the birthday of hip-hop. I mildly disagree.

Back in 1970, I wrote and voiced a rhyming radio spot for Las Vegas clients selling their Instant Trim exercise program. Here’s a vaguely-remembered line:

“Come on in and do some slim when you get it on with Instant Trim.”

Alas, no mention of killing cops or raping women. I could’a been a contender.

On that concluding musical note, my favorite Fiorello song:

Politics and poker, politics and poker

Everybody’s broke and getting broker.

Everybody knows the trouble that we’re in.

Decisions, decisions when you gamble on your friends.

Politics and poker, politics and poker

Make the average guy a heavy a smoker.

Bless the nominee and give him our regards

In poker and politics

You’ve gotta have the cards!

Stay safe, get vaxxed and pray for those cruelly afflicted by the cruelly small minds on this small planet, especially victims of our perpetual wars.

Be well. Raise hell. / Esté bien. Haga infierno.

Andrew Quarantino Barbáno is a 54-year Nevadan and editor of NevadaLabor.com, MississippiWestNV.org and Rentvolutionv.org, among others. Sheldon Harnick lyrics adapted from “Fiorello!” Barbwire by Barbano has originated in the Tribune since 1988. [email protected]

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